Some people, when faced with something they love, can't wait to dive in. Others tease it a little, glancing surreptitiously toward the book, piece of chocolate, or upcoming event on the calendar, and experience joy in the anticipation.
I've done both, although I typically lean toward the latter.
And so, I found myself putting off my beloved Gospel of John, not out of procrastination, but love.
I'd read a psalm and then glance at the bookmark helpfully placed in front of John 1. Then I'd shiver in anticipation and decide to wait one more day.
The day I began it, I actually did shiver. Seriously, literally. Like a little kid with a giant cupcake in front of her. With sprinkles and a ton of icing on top.
I've analyzed myself many times on what it is that I love so much about the Gospel of John. So many things. But that's not the point of this piece. Suffice it to say that I was in a place of pure anticipation and joy when I started reading.
So, I was a little surprised when the first passage that hit me strongly was kind of a negative one, John 2:24-25:
But Jesus would not entrust himself to them, for he knew all men. He did not need man's testimony about man, for he knew what was in a man. (NIV)
Before these verses, John shares the most impeccable cover letter ever with us. First, he pulls out all the stops to convince us that Christ Jesus is indeed God. Jesus is the divine Force that the Greeks called Logos. Specifically, He's Creator God. He's also the true Light and Life. Then He became Flesh and dwelt among us as Jesus.
See, John is being all things to all men, wooing Jews and Gentiles and mystics alike! Let's hear it for John 1 as a modern evangelism tool!
It's a spectacular opening. John follows it with impeccable references, a little Moses thrown in there, a little bit on the law, and then a prolonged testimony from John the Baptist. He slows the narrative down and gives us a detailed account of how the first disciples actually encountered Jesus because they were hungry. They were so spiritually hungry that they followed John the Baptist beyond the Jordan River, with some even becoming John's disciples before they were Jesus'.
Next thing we know, a bunch of them accompanied Jesus to the wedding in Cana. Then, Jesus cleared the temple for the first time and made a big splash in Jerusalem during the Passover Feast.
It's a whirlwind of success and triumph, but this whirlwind of opening activities ends with the John 2:24-25 passage. What a letdown! Jesus is doing all these things and becoming famous in the process. Shouldn't people immediately be motivated to listen up and follow him? I mean, John the Baptist paved the way for him not just through word but by handing off his disciples to Jesus. Seems like everything is well-poised for great success to the end, right?
In the alternate universe prosperity gospel account, perhaps.
In Jesus' upside-down kingdom, however, we receive a realistic insight. Yes, people were following Him, right from the get-go. But John tells us clearly why they did so: because they "saw the miraculous signs he was doing and believed in his name" (verse 24).
But isn't belief good, we may ask? (Incidentally, I asked this very question and then committed to looking up some answers).
Half a dozen commentaries and some reflection later, here's my answer: No. Not always.
It all hinges on what "belief" is. Incidentally, John would spend nearly the entire next chapter teaching us about belief (this is the chapter on Nicodemus and "God so loved the world," etc.).
What we get wrong about belief today is we compartmentalize humans into mind/brain/soul/body/heart. We think they're all separate. Maybe some of us in the biological and psychological sciences are a little to blame for this, because we do indeed separate concepts and variables in order to study them. We have to look at things one at a time to understand each one. So, my studies on infant attachment are separate from those on adult decision-making.
But I know that this separation isn't real. It's just for the purposes of the study. In real life, the same mom I'm studying regarding her relationships with her infant may be the same mom trying to decide whether or not to go back to school. She's the same person, and her mind and body are connected. What she feels about her baby and what she thinks about her career all exist in the same person, even in the same brain.
Each aspect within us is connected to the others.
It gets really scary when you move even further away from people who understand this about physiology, cognition, and emotion. For example, Enlightenment-influenced writers have done the modern church a great disservice by teaching, essentially, that we are all disembodied minds, like the great villain IT in A Wrinkle In Time. Like the all-rational mind exists in isolation, by itself, and if only we could access it reliably, we'd be better off than encumbered by the messiness of emotions and one's physical body. We assume that if we get the thought right, everything else falls in line. Like many things, there is some truth to this (look at the help that cognitive-behavioral therapy can provide), but it is incomplete. Especially when applied to more complex systems than a single list of negative thoughts.
Hundreds of years later, we're seeing the effects of this belief on the church.
Now, it's as if mental assent to a doctrinal statement is a perfectly good stand-in for being a Christian. As if a fleeting thought of, "I believe that Jesus existed" is the equivalent of what it means to be a disciple of Christ. As if I can think this but behave as I want to and allow my feelings to run rampant like I have created three dueling identities within myself. As if the only part of me that matters is what I think on the inside.
We see the logical conclusions of this at large in the political sphere. On the left is the promotion of what is essentially the dissolution of identity, like our real selves are somewhere hidden inside but separate from our bodies. Then there's the political right that seems inextricably linked to an Orwellian nationalistic identity. On either side, the slightest deviation from these "identity politics" will result in the chopping off of your head. Mainly figuratively.
At the core--and, this is not my original idea--this is all just a modern type of idolatry. Pick your poison, worship of self or worship of the national collective.
I digress.
So, noooooo. Some beliefs, even some types of belief in Christ, are not good. The crowd believes that Jesus can do miracles. Later, they'll be excited about the food (i.e. feeding of the 5,000) and Jesus will point this out again there.
They believe that He can do amazing things, so they trust Him to a certain extent. However...wait for it...
They may have trusted Jesus...but He didn't trust them!
The word used for "entrust" is the same Greek word for "believed in his name" in verse 23. So, it's a play on words. What I wrote earlier is spot on: They may have trusted Jesus...but He didn't trust them.
And why didn't He trust them? Because He knew what was in a man, or what was in people, as the most recent translations put it (alas, ladies, it's not just about men being untrustworthy).
I genuinely wish I had this power. When I am asked, as one sometimes is, by a child what I wish my superpower to be, I usually say flying ability. Often, the child agrees.
But now that I think about it, reading correctly into the hearts of those around me would be so protective. Horrifying, yes. But so, so protective. I would know who to trust and who not to trust. I wouldn't allow myself to get into situations where someone could harm or oppress me. Some people could be completely avoided, and others who seemed sketchy could be embraced closely.
It would be very useful. But, if I'm at all honest with myself, only Jesus can have this superpower because the rest of us would have nothing to do with most people if we knew what was in their hearts. And they wouldn't want anything to do with us, either.
Christ knows our hearts
Jesus knows what is in people's hearts. And I wonder if He is illustrating how to live out Matthew 10:16 for us; that is, how to be wise as serpents and innocent as doves. Sometimes, we may have to minister among and serve people and yet not entrust ourselves to them. This isn't easy. It's natural to want affirmation and acceptance from others. But this can be a trap to subtly mold one's behaviors to fit in.
I learned long ago that most of the behaviors that I studied in children have their counterparts in adult behaviors, and this is no exception. It is indeed the rare person who can stand strong in the face of powerful social pressure. Or even moderate or slight social pressure, for that matter!
We can love and not entrust. What is one way it might have looked like for Jesus to entrust Himself to them? Well, if He entrusted Himself, He surely wouldn't have gotten in such big trouble just a few chapters later (John 5) when we see Him healing on the Sabbath, followed by the Jews starting to persecute Him. That's in Jerusalem. Luke places persecution even earlier in Nazareth itself when his hometown nearly stones him for prophesying that the Gentiles will respond more favorably to His message.
So, He did not bend over backward to fit in or to make sure that He fit in with socially proscribed ways of living. Bibleref.com also says that another way that Jesus didn't entrust Himself was by declining to explain Himself to everyone. He saved that for His disciples because He knew who would really listen.
Now, we don't have the level of insight that He does, but He did teach us to not "give what is holy to dogs; and do not throw your pearls before swine, or they will trample them under foot and turn and maul you" (Matthew 7:6).
That's not a verse you'll hear preached at weddings or other uplifting events! We'd like to ignore it. It sounds unkind.
But it is true wisdom. With so many people in this world to help and to shine our light toward, why do we stubbornly try to follow our own agendas and serve where Jesus may not be calling us to serve? I reflect on my own life and consider how easy it is to get carried away "on mission" without double-checking if that is the mission field that I'm supposed to be on.
We are told to have some discernment. Yes, "preach in season and out of season" (II Timothy 4:2), but also keep in step with the Spirit (Galatians 5:25) because it is possible to follow our own agendas even in our acts of service and ministry.
Jesus, as always, is the model of discernment and wisdom. There is a time for planting seeds and a time for watering (I Corinthians 3:6). There is also a time for harvesting. In all of this, God alone makes it all grow.
I'm reminded by this kind of downer passage to not lean into my own wisdom, but God's and recognize that I serve under Him.
Personally, I find this all to be a hard lesson. I kind of wear my heart on my sleeve and want to wave I Corinthians 13:7 around, which says that love always trusts.
But godly love does not mean that we repeatedly trust abusers. It does not mean that we ignorantly and naively put ourselves in the path of liars. And we need discretion over who we entrust ourselves to.
Jesus models for us a loving and discerning way. He was generous with His time and with His love. And He was also wise, Wisdom Incarnate, in fact.
May we live like our Savior.